Archive: November 2006

I am that much-maligned person who sheepishly raises her hand when people sarcastically ask, “Who the heck is finished with Christmas shopping by December 10?!” I usually shrug and mutter that I hate dealing with crowds, which is true, but that excuse doesn’t hold much water. I confess that this year has topped all others; this is the first time I’ve finished before December even darkened my doorstep. Ow, stop throwing things!

The truth is that I like to cross things off my list and be done with them. With the wonder that is e-commerce, the “Christmas shopping” bullet can have a big fat check mark next to it in a short time. It doesn’t have to include circling through parking lots and wandering through malls with aching feet and bulging shopping bags with the wish and hope and prayer that the really perfect gift is just…at…the…next…store… Maybe it’s just me, but finding a perfect gift at a mall is not nearly as satisfying as seeing “Out for delivery” on a delivery tracking website.

I’m also motivated by the fact that, this year, JG and I are hosting Christmas with my family and it is a momentous occasion on a few levels. Most immediately is the oh my goodness I’m hosting Christmas freakout wherein I hope everything is good enough for my mom (and even more so, my grandmother). It’ll be the first time in at least 25 years that Christmas has not been celebrated at my grandmother’s house in New York. The pressure is on, and as a result, I don’t want to have to think about what everyone has under the tree when I have more pressing issues like what everyone is eating to worry about. Plus, JG’s birthday is in mid-December, so it’s really like multi-tasking. Two occasions with one click!

Anyway, this type of behavior is not solitary; I’m not buying presents for myself here. I need lists from my gift recipients, but my family is reluctant to dive into this winter ritual. They say to lead by example, so in early November, I sent out the following e-mail (with my list attached) to my parents and sister:

Hi Everyone – I don’t know if this is jumping the gun, but since I’m starting to figure out what you all are getting for Jesus’ birthday, I figured it might be helpful to distribute The List. So, it would be great if you could return the favor and let me know what you’re in the mood for this year, too. Or if you’ve heard what other people want, too. Thanks!

The timestamp on the e-mail was November 7, which I know is ridiculously early. But hey – I needed to get my gifting spreadsheet in order. How do people shop when they don’t know what they’re looking for? Presently, I received responses from my sister and dad:

Sister: You did not just use the phrase “Jesus’ birthday”. You did not! Why don’t you calm your happy butt down about these Christmas list things? You’re starting to stress me out. I will consider this list in my shopping excursions.

Dad: I am working on my list. ETA is 27 Nov 06.

That’s right. My engineer father gave me an estimated time of arrival for a freaking Christmas list. Ah, the family.

Despite grumblings and groanings about “jumping the gun” and being “out of whack”, I clicked my final Submit Order button on Monday. And it felt great.

When all of those lovely packages arrive from various warehouses around the country, I’ll be waiting with boxes, paper, and ribbon in hand because I love wrapping presents. While I’m thinking about that, it might be accurate to add that to my list of reasons why I shop so early…

I looked at my watch. I had 20 minutes before my meeting, which should have been plenty of time to order a cake to celebrate a recent promotion in the office. I called the nearby supermarket and said that I’d like to order a cake to pick up on Thursday. The operator politely replied that she’d transfer me to the bakery, and thanks for holding.

The line went dead. I know that this is some companies’ way of putting you on hold, but I never know if that means they “accidentally” hung up on me. I had to order this cake, so I stayed on the line, hoping to hear a voice presently.

“Hi, are you holding for Mark?”
“Um, I’m trying to get to the bakery to order a cake?”
“Oh, okay, hold please.”
“But – ”

And the silence again. Okay, I thought, I know they don’t have hold music, so this is fine. But then I heard a phone ringing, like I had just dialed. What the heck?

“Who are you holding for?”
“I’m trying to reach the bakery about a cake.”
“Hold, please.”

Argh! More silence! Then, the blasted question:

“Hi, who are you holding for?”
“I’ve been on hold for fifteen minutes, trying to reach the bakery about a cake.”
“Oh, hang on.”

For the love! What does it take to order a freaking cake around here?

“Bakery, how may I help you?”

Finally!

“I’d like to order a cake to pick up on Thursday, for about 8 people.”
“Could you hold, please?”

Are you kidding me?

Two minutes later, I got a hold of a bakery person who, while taking my order, intermittently hollered to her cohorts about where random bakery equipment was located. Now, that’s what I call customer service.

I should probably write about how I ate so much at Thanksgiving dinner that I was uncomfortably full for several hours - as in, I couldn’t inhale without grimacing - then just regularly full when I woke up the next morning. It might make sense to know that my after-Thanksgiving shopping was so productive as to check off two whole family members for their gifts.

But who says that I make sense?

Instead, I am bragging about how JG and I rocked the house at a newly-introduced game and I would like to share it with you. I plan to whip it out at our New Year’s Eve party and I am sure that hilarity will ensue.

The game is called The Best Game Ever (TBGE), and JG’s cousin taught us this game because her friends invented it. Here is what you do:

Materials Needed:

• People (6-10)
• Paper and pen for each person
• Big bowl or something like that
• Stopwatch, or a watch with a second hand

Setup:

1. Split up into teams of two and sit in a circle so that partners are sitting across from each other. For example, if you have three teams (A, B, and C), the partners should sit in the order of ABCABC around the circle.
2. Distribute 2-3 pieces of paper and a pencil to each person. On each piece of paper, each person should write down and number five people, places, things, titles, or phrases that do not exceed five words each.
   - For example: 1) going sledding, 2) “Cheeseburger in Paradise”, 3) my neighbor’s dog, 4) milk, and 5) An Officer and a Gentleman
3. Fold the slips of paper and put them into the bowl or whatever you have on hand. Give it a toss to mix it up.
4. Designate someone who will man the watch and someone who will substitute in when that person is in play.

How to Play:

1. Choose a team to go first. Roll a die, figure out whose birthday is next - whatever.
2. A partner from the first team chooses a slip of paper from the bowl and time begins.
3. The object of the partner with the paper is to help his teammate say the five items listed exactly as they are listed with verbal hints and/or gestures. The partner needs to start over with a new slip of paper if he:
   - Says a word or part of a word in the phrase
   - Says “sounds like … ”
   - Tries to spell it out
4. Once the teammate has successfully identified the five items, the next goal is for that teammate to repeat them all in order and word-perfect. Unlike in the first part, the partner with the paper may not offer verbal hints during this stage.
5. The teammate trying to repeat the items must start over if he:
   - Goes out of order
   - Repeats an item incorrectly, even by one tiny word
6. The time limit is 60 seconds and is regulated by the person with the stopwatch.
7. If the team successfully identifies and repeats the five items before time is up, the first partner keeps that slip of paper and can choose another one from the bowl to try.
8. If the team does not successfully identify and repeat the five items, the paper goes back in the bowl for another turn.
9. Once a team’s turn is over, the bowl rotates clockwise and another team attempts to identify and repeat the items on another piece of paper.
10. Play continues for a designated number of cycles around the circle (say, 2-3) or whenever the paper runs out. You decide.
11. The winning team is determined by the highest number of slips of paper at the end of the game.

Good to Know:

• The person with the stopwatch may not tell the players how much time remains in their turn.
• Partners must alternate who guesses and gives clues. Whoever receives the bowl of paper will give clues; the same person on a team should not be guessing the whole entire time.

Okay, I know it sounds confusing, but it’s sort of like Taboo and Catch Phrase with a little bit of Charades thrown in there. The real wildcard is that the players make up the items; you could end up with a list of craziness that you’ve never heard of or the list you made up yourself. Plus, if someone gets partially or even the whole way through a list but doesn’t finish the repetition, you could draw it on your next turn and be familiar with it already.

So, JG and I were a team and if I can be so humble, we were freaking amazing at TBGE. In our first game, we were the only team to get two lists done in one turn, and since the second list was one I had seen briefly before, I was able to shriek the first three items (”Refrigerator! Keg! Microwave!”) in swift succession before bringing it on home. And let me tell you, I’m no pansy game-player. I may not be an athlete by any stretch of the imagination, but I’ve got game. Lots of it.

In an added bonus, TBGE brought out priceless miscues when people were flustered or just plain didn’t know what the things were:

• “It’s a band! ‘Back in Black’! (seeing a blank stare) Ummm, this is two kinds of electricity!” - JG, describing AC/DC to me; I definitely needed that electricity clue…
• “Sweat potato fries!” - JG’s uncle, compensating for a misspelling
• “Sleep sofa? Sleepaway sofa? Sleeping sofa?” - me, trying to say sleeper sofa
• “What on earth are knocking boots?” - JG’s grandma

Sure, family gatherings can be about catching up, bonding, and even eating a whole lot of food, but what does that mean when you can’t talk some smack and do a victory dance once a while?

On a gray and rainy Thanksgiving morning, I offer two sets of things for which I am thankful this year.

The first list is a product of the Thanksgiving potluck at work, when I impulsively restricted our “what we’re thankful for” exercise to exclude friends, family, and health. Upon further reflection, here are my top five in this silly category:

1. My KitchenAid mixer, which I will bust out as soon as possible after Thanksgiving to start making cookies for various events.
2. My almost-complete spreadsheet that shows my entire gifting list: what each person is receiving, where I’m getting it, how much it costs, and the date of purchase.
3. That the first season of one of my favorite shows ever is coming out on DVD!
4. That Penn State made it to the Outback Bowl and I have an excuse to make yet another batch of chili.
5. That I did not have to do anything for Thanksgiving. Seriously. I just showed up.

On a more traditional note, here are the top five things for which I am thankful when everything is fair game:

1. My husband, especially when I realize that we have more fun everyday. He is totally my BFF. We should get half-heart necklaces.
2. A relatively quiet year of settling in (in comparison to the previous year of crazy).
3. Our house, and that it actually feels like it’s ours; we’re not house-sitting indefinitely.
4. The comfort of old friends and the excitement of making new ones.
5. The luxury of taking time for myself this year.

I’m taking the first hour or so of wakefulness this morning to be on my own and quiet. It occurs to me this year, more than any other so far, that I’m thankful for so much more than can be summarized in one sentence in a circle of holding hands. I will simply go through it all in my mind as I’m curled up in a blanket, looking out into the thick November clouds.