At my previous job, I cried through every single one of my performance evaluations. As a girl who dreaded the idea of being sent to the principal’s office or getting pulled over, the sit-down meeting with my manager, from the San Francisco headquarters, was a looming confrontation. For a 40-person, progressive company, the process was surprisingly formal. A few weeks before the agree-upon date to meet with my manager, I had to identify 3-5 co-workers to provide written feedback on my performance. They would submit their comments through an online survey form, and then my manager synthesized them into a cohesive performance review that we discussed during a 90-minute meeting behind closed doors.
In general, I received positive comments on my performance, but remarks about my inability to be flexible arose each time. It was not a situation where I could defend myself and protest that I felt like I was the only one who tried hold people accountable to critical points in project timelines, so I would sit there, wringing my hands and biting my lip. Despite any number of positive comments, the few pieces of stinging feedback nestled into my brain and took hold; I felt simultaneously wronged for trying to do my job as best as I could and belittled from the safety of an anonymous comment because of personality differences. The tears would well up, slowly at first and easy to blink away, but at a certain point, I readied a tissue to catch the first teardrop on my cheek.
I inevitably left those meetings with smeared makeup, and I made a beeline to the bathroom to splash cold water on my face and blow my nose. I entered the evaluations with anxiety, and I left with those presuppositions confirmed, so I don’t know why the experience was always such a shock to the system. I guess I was always stunned by the difference in perception between what I thought was honest, hard work, and what others saw as rigidity and unfriendliness. I felt utterly helpless in converting my energy into something that would be seen differently, and I was defeated at the thought that my efforts up to that point were fruitless.
This week, I had my 90-day evaluation at my new job, and the experience could not have been more different. On Monday, my manager breezily mentioned that she had received the evaluation form from HR, and we’d take care of it “sometime tomorrow morning.” My workplace has a 90-day probationary period where managers assess whether or not to fire new employees, so with a favorable evaluation, I’d be allowed to stay in the job and take time off. I immediately tensed up and referred back to the spreadsheet where I’d been tracking my projects so that I could answer to my turnaround time and overall workload. I had no idea what the criteria for this evaluation was, how long it would take, or what I was expected to prepare, so I pulled together everything I could and waited for the moment of judgment.
Around noon on Tuesday, my manager popped into my office unexpectedly, holding a two-page form, and I swiveled in my desk chair, snapping to attention. At break-neck speed, she explained that the form simply asked her to rate me in regard to punctuality, competence, interest, and culture fit between the descriptive options of Meets Expectations or Does Not Meet Expectations. Based on her ratings, she would then check off a box to indicate her recommendation to Continue Employment, Discontinue Employment, or Extend Probation Period. She had no comments to add to the form, so she showed me that I had met expectations and my employment would be continued, and could I please sign on the dotted line to show that I understood? With that, she was out the door.
My head was spinning. That was it? That was the evaluation? Nothing to work on, nothing to work toward? Huh. Well, I still have a job, and I can take some time off now. I have the security of knowing that I meet expectations. I am sufficiently adequate! Yes!
And, hey, I didn’t cry.
12 comments
Wow. I guess I never really thought about how different corporate evaluations are from school observations. I would definitely cry, too. I hate being criticized for anything, let alone when I feel like I’m performing my job well.
Congrats on Meeting Expectations!
Yeah, it’s totally different. Whenever JG tells me about how some assistant principal came in, had no idea what the geometry lesson was about, and rated him as Super Excellent And Exceeds Any Expectation We Could Invent, I want to throw something. It’s not that he’s not a good teacher because he is; it’s more that the system they have totally protects bad teachers.
I cried at every one of mine at the 49ers. And my boss and I were friends. Still are.
And he always said good things. But it was company policy to put down THREE areas of improvement. And he always ended the conversation with these. So I forgot all about the nice things.
I constantly told HR that it should be reversed, but they thought I was an idiot. And my boss had to deal with me crying every July.
The order doesn’t matter to me, and the hard stuff always sticks. I think the worst was that you saw the verbatim comment someone had written, so there was not even a paraphrased version.
hurray for relaxed evaluations!! I have never cried in front of a manager or superior at work, but I have gritted my teeth alot and have probably worn down some unreplacable enamel. ;o)
xox
I hate hate hate crying at work, and toward the end of my last job, I felt like I did it all the time. I felt so wimpy and unprofessional, when in retrospect, I think I was just darn tired.
That’s awesome. I can see advantages and disadvantages to both systems, but it sounds like this new one is working much better for you. Good job!
The new one is working out because it’s less anxiety-producing, but I feel like I’m floundering without some discrete goals. Surprise, surprise.
I would give anything to have an evaluation like that… Mine are HUGE, involving personal narratives. I hate them.
Ugh, ugh. It stinks when it’s painful to prepare for the eval and to go through with the thing.
The 90-day review is usually pretty casual, I think. I think my organization has a good balance between formal, well-thought out process and friendly, constructive criticism that doesn’t put you on the defensive!
And, in theory soliciting feedback from coworkers is a good idea, but in practice, it isn’t. As much as one might want to be easy for her coworkers to work with and be perceived well, it’s really your boss you have to please.
Because my manager was not in my office, I felt that my co-worker feedback was how she formed her opinion of me, so even if I put out a good deliverable, it may not have come across in the evaluation.
That’s great! I’ve never really had to do a performance review for teaching - but being called into the principal’s office still terrifies me.
Wow, lucky you in avoiding a review! I know they’re important for assessment and evaluation, but my experience has been so tainted that I associate negative things with them.
So glad you didn’t cry! I’m actually looking forward to a performance review, considering I’ve never had one at ANY of my three jobs since college.
Whoa, how did you know how you were doing at those jobs?
Hooray for meeting expectations! At my current job, I had a 30-day probationary period. On day 30, I was prepared for an evaluation, though I didn’t know how formal it would be or what all it would entail. That day came and went with nary a mention of any evaluation. Around day 40 or so, my boss was at my desk dropping off some correspondence and breezily mentioned “Oh, yeah, weren’t we supposed to have some sort of evaluation? We’re happy with you, are you happy with us?” I told him I was, and that was that. Easiest evaluation ever. And there’s never been another one since.
Wow! What do you think would have happened if you had been like, “Eh, I’m only so-so about this place”?
I’m glad to hear that your evaluation was so relaxed. Although, I have to say that I’m always disappointed with my evaluations. As a teacher, I get formally evaluated 3-5 times a year. In my four years of teaching, I have had four different principals….two of them didn’t know anything about preschool or special education and couldn’t offer me any kind of constructive feedback. The third was in her year before retirement and had nothing buy nice things to say, and I’m finding the same thing with my principal this year. Don’t get me wrong, I’m happy to get good evaluations…but I just don’t believe that there isn’t anything I could be working on! I really strive to be the best teacher I can be, so I’d love some new ideas.
That sounds exactly like what happens to JG. Hardly any of the administrators even know what’s going on in his geometry or algebra classes anyway. Sometimes, they finally catch on to a concept after hearing him observe, which I guess speaks well for his teaching, but makes me wonder about administration. Not that graphing absolute value functions is necessary to school administration, but still.
Scenario A sounds downright awful! Jeez. Scenario B was much better, but I hope at some point you get SOME feedback! This makes me thankful for my end of year evals.
Exactly. Going through Scenario A was like torture, but Scenario B leaves me a little clueless. I could always buck up and ask for feedback, I suppose.
I have the exact same reaction. You might as well not say the positive stuff to me because I won’t remember it.
And I’ll be honest - I threw up the morning of my review.
Ooh, the nerves! I always feel like I’m going to throw up, and I don’t know if that’s better than actually going through with it.
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