The hunt was good

At 10:30am on Saturday, I set out on a shopping mission. I was armed with a memo on my PDA detailing my total budget for the day, targeted purchases (separated into primary and secondary objectives), stores to visit, and item numbers for online finds I wanted to try on. I completed preparations by suiting up into my usual shopping uniform: fitted black t-shirt — for fitting under sweaters and jackets — and jeans at flat-length, since flats were one of the primary objectives. I put my hair half-up, confirmed that I had both a Christmas gift card and a cake plate to exchange, and off I went. This trip meant business. No messing around.

I very rarely go to an brick-and-mortar store, much less a mall, so when I do, I take great pains to make sure that the sheer effort of driving, parking, and walking is worthwhile. I know that it sounds psychotic, but the only way that I can deal with meandering mobs, incompetent employees, and hordes of Ugg-wearing, willowy teenagers is to know that I have an objective to fulfill, and no kid in Heelys will get in my way. Of course, one can’t account for the possibility that a woman in the food court would mention to her mother that “this little girl” (i.e., me) wanted to get by. Or that, due to poor crowd control at a checkout station with multiple registers, three people would cut in front of me with no notice from the staff. These were annoying scenarios, but minor setbacks in the big picture. Carry on, soldier!

Over the course of five hours, I walked my red flats into the ground, and my arms ached from hauling around my purchases, plus the porcelain cake plate I had exchanged. By the time I trudged out to my car with my purchases, my feet were crying out for rest. Somehow, I developed a bruise on the top of my right foot from, what, aggressive walking? Or shoe-trying-on? Wonders will never cease. But, wait — I need to keep my eye on the prize, that is, the massive amount of loot I brought home, all made possible by Christmas money:

• 3 pairs of shoes
• 2 sweaters (plus 1 for JG)
• 2 pairs of pants for work
• 1 jacket
• 2 pairs of yoga pants
• 1 pair of pajama pants
• 2 camisoles
• 10 pairs of earrings
• 1 necklace
• 1 calendar

I fulfilled almost all of my goals for the day: to find pointy flats, to expand my jewelry collection, and to find pants for work I could get altered for flat shoes. However, I failed to find affordable, black wedges in which I could walk without toppling over, so that’s disappointing, but the excitement of amazing deals will carry me through.

In my opinion, JG doesn’t have the appropriate level of appreciation for what I like to call The Parade of Purchases (and subsequent commentary about original vs. purchase price or how hard I had to work to find this exact item). Half of the fun is telling the shopping story, so I trotted out my proudest bargains for their very own photo shoot, as if my obssessive PDA memo weren’t crazy enough. As I put everything away, I was rather stunned by the volume. Three pairs of shoes? Ten pairs of earrings? It was all very unlike me, but so satisfying.

Today, I’ll bask in the glow of wearing my new jacket and black chandelier earrings, as I catch up on twenty missed days of my word-a-day daily rip-off calendar and try to incorporate stultify, esculent, gruntle, and hypocorism into my conversations. New clothes and new vocabulary! Monday could not get any better.

#88