If you could have one superpower (anything), what would it be?
I used to choose invisibility, but I didn’t really know what exactly would be an application for this power. Spying? Eavesdropping? Then, that Clay Aiken song came out, and I felt like I would be a stalker, so I let go of invisibility as a matter of principle. Now, my superpower of choice is the ability to travel somewhere instantaneously, like apparition in the Harry Potter books, without having to take silly things like the space/time continuum into account.
My everyday routine would feel the immediate benefits: no more commute! Or gas price-gouging! Or fearing for my life because of aggressive drivers! Plus, more sleep! During longer trips, I would never have to deal with the airport-security-juggle-ticket-wallet shenanigans or the roadside-rest-stop-don’t-touch-anything feeling. Ah, yes. One can dream.
It would be remiss to answer this superpower question without referring to Lisa’s inquiry:
On a scale of 1-10, how good are you at geography?
Assuming a scale where 1 means that I couldn’t get out of a paper bag, and 10 means that I can tell you where every state, country, and capital are located, I would rate myself at a big 2, which directly relates to my superpower choice. I manage to get myself to work every day, but I am so very awful at spatial relations, directions, and geography as a whole. I can’t:
- Do those puzzles where there’s a disassembled cube with a symbol on each side, and the questions about the assembled cube are things like: “Which of the following symbol combinations is NOT possible?”; or “Which symbol lies opposite this one?”
- Follow directions without having road names and corresponding numbers (e.g., Route 7 is also called Limestone Road), mileage, landmarks, and hints when I’ve gone too far. I am that guy who physically turns the map around to get oriented, points at whatever is nearest, and then points to it on the map. And then turns the map around again.
- Step out of a store in the mall and continue in the direction I want to travel. I always get turned around, even if I only take a quick lap around a shoe store. My mother-in-law calls it “mall dyslexia.”
- Visualize states and surrounding areas. JG loves to tell the story about when I was completely confused about the spatial relationship between New England and Pennsylvania, and I asked, “Which is more south, Connecticut or Pennsylvania?” Because Connecticut is the southernmost New England state! And the universe revolves around New England! My question was totally justified! (Not really.)
I’m lucky that I even make it through my daily commute, which I owe to marking it out with detailed instructions (see above), committing the route to memory, and driving by rote. Heaven forbid that a road is closed, I get asked about one of those square Midwestern states, or my life depends on some spatial problem. I thank my lucky stars that JG is at least a 9 on that scale, and that he doesn’t mind driving.
Previously: Lent, hypothetical actions
8 comments
I have a very difficult time with the geography of the East coast myself. I have the Midwest pretty much straight, but I grew up there AND the states are much bigger.
I have mall dyslexia too. Sometimes I remember to commit to memory which store I am walking towards when I enter a store so that I can try to continue walking toward the same store on my way out. It doesn’t always work.
I grew up in a city where the streets were on a grid system. They all went north-south or east-west, and the mountains were west, so it was always easy to figure out which direction you were going. I could also easily figure out where a street would intersect another (Let’s see, Shields runs parallel to College, which intersects Prospect, so Shields will get me to Prospect, just a mile west of College) (Oh, yes, the main streets were all exactly a mile apart, too. I love the person who came up with that layout.) Now I live in a city where it seems when they needed a road to go from point A to point B, they made that road, regardless of where point B was in relation to point A. The result? Lots of weird unpredictable curves in roads, no good east-west thoroughfare, and a very confused me. It is honestly one of my least favorite things about this city that i cannot just get on a road going north and know that I will eventually end up on the north side of town and not somehow end up very far south-east of where I started. When I encounter a closed road on my way to work, I have to call Tim and have him get on google maps and talk me through an alternate route. Oh, how I miss the logic of my hometown road layout where, when encountering a closed road, I could simply jog over one block and continue on my way!
I’m down with the US geography and mapping out the mall, but world geography gets me messed up every time. Why are there so many countries?! How am I supposed to remember them all? It doesn’t help that my students know more of them than I do.
Ooh, teleportation! Excellent choice. When I play this game, I am torn between teleportation, not ever needing to sleep (but always feeling rested), and being able to eat anything and everything I want while remaining at my goal weight.
I can’t find my way out of a paper bag. I also don’t know right from left without putting my hand over my heart, because I know that that the hand that goes over your heart (for the pledge of allegiance) is my right hand.
I think if you lived somewhere where directions didn’t sound like this:
“Take the blue route to route one and go over that one lane bridge and cross over onto 92 where 100 meets 141″
but sounded more like this:
“Go about 10 blocks west down K street, then turn north and go up 13th street”
you would be a lot better at directions. Just sayin’
I think you’re right about invisibility being worse than teleportation. There’s not too much flexibility with invisibility unless “international spy” is your vocation.
I usually know what direction I’m facing and how to get where I need to go. I even tried to turn that into a job as a location manager, but it turns out that I’m not actually that good at telling other people where to go.
Oh my God, I might have finally found someone as ABYSMAL at geography as I am! I still get lost driving around the city that I lived in for 17 years. It’s so embarrassing, particularly when you have to drive people around, ugh. I hate constantly having to confirm, that this is indeed the right turn, and then having passengers shrieking because we’re about to go down a one way street. Calm down guys! I’ll figure it out eventually! Live a little…
Luckily, Colby is awesome with directions, so I just let him drive when he’s around, and when he’s not, I just try not to leave the house too often!
Happy birthday happy birthday happy birthday! What was the present? Have you opened it yet? Huh huh huh?
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