Today is the last workday of May’s Mission: Put Together and I can hardly believe it. Stay tuned for a wrap-up post on Monday that will feature interesting trends, lessons learned, and the future of M:PT!
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So, when are you going to start having babies? (JUST KIDDING!)
The long answer is the following, but the short version to this question, which I know was asked in jest, is that I don’t know.
One of my closest friends from high school is having a baby any second now, and the whole idea is sort of blowing my mind. It’s not that she got married after I did, and I feel pressure. It’s not that she and her husband shared the news via Christmas card, and my jaw just about fell off from its sharp descent to the floor. See, she and I were always the ones who consoled our lack of boyfriends by saying that we were “the friend type, not the LOVER type” (my yearbooks hold proof of this rally cry), and even though we were the first ones to walk down the aisle, I still think of her that way. I think my friend and her husband will be great parents, and I had lots of fun picking out books to send for the baby shower present. It’s just that getting e-mails with updates on the baby, deadlines for the weight/date pool, and pictures from the “belly photo session” makes me severely uncomfortable, as though I am privy to something entirely too intimate for my eyes. Just let me know when the baby’s here, I want to say. Then I can be 100% congratulatory and 0% uncomfortable! I will mail off the baby card I have waiting in the wings, click through however many pictures I receive, and send them something tiny and orange, in tribute to my high school’s horrendous colors.
All of this is to say that, for now, I am perfectly happy living vicariously through my friends’ kids. I can give borrowed kids candy and noisy toys that require batteries without suffering the ill consequences! In the worst-case scenario, I simply give back the kids at the end of the hour/day/week and chalk it up as an effective form of birth control. Excellent.
On a serious note, if I came to the point where I wanted to extend our family, my first choice would be adoption. My mind can not wrap itself around creating new children when there are so many who need homes right now. (I am also extremely squeamish at the idea of being pregnant or giving birth, but let’s not dwell on that.) Part of my motivation toward the adoption end is that I identify strongly with orphan Chinese girls. At the risk of being melodramatic, it’s forefront in my mind that I am a second daughter, and if my parents had had my sister in China, I may not have been a very desirable second child. I want these girls to have parents, and whenever we can afford it, sponsoring adoptions is high up on the to-do list.
It’s not that I am against children or people having them, but I really like just being married. I don’t believe that a marriage is simply a vehicle to have children — a means to an end — so until we feel like we really want to be parents, we’re fine with the status quo.
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Do you have your future babies’ names picked out?
Background information:
- I have a semi-unusual name that I disliked for the majority of my childhood and adolescence, and even now, I am more resigned to it than anything else. It was rather liberating to have a nickname in high school, since everyone could pronounce “RA.”
- Our last name is really hard to spell over the phone and almost impossible to say correctly at first glance.
- JG tells me horror stories about struggling on the first day of school with name pronunciation. Afterward, at home, he reads off some of the more remarkable ones, and I try to guess the sex of the student. I am rarely correct.
That said, I stray to the traditional (AKA boring) side of the name spectrum so as to avoid similar situations for any future offspring, who will be unfortunately saddled with our seemingly-difficult last name. JG likes the option to shorten names for a nickname, and I prefer names that are relevant for a whole lifespan. So! Our picks for first and middle names would be Elizabeth Rose for a girl, and Daniel Clay for a boy.
Previously: Lent, hypothetical actions, superpower, television, favorites, hypothetical money, decisions
13 comments
I can’t imagine the pressure to have a baby. I have a hard enough time not hitting people who say, “So, are you seeing anyone?” or “Is your wedding next?” Because yes, yes my wedding IS next now that each member of my two core friend groups is married so by process of elimination, I AM next. It’s just not happening anytime soon.
Ohh! Mine got answered!
I love those names. Classic and timeless.
I like your marriage viewpoints, lady!
I had trouble with the nickname-to-real name conversion, so I recommend avoiding that if you can.
Also, another reason that I’m keeping my name if I get married. There’s no way I want to sacrifice a last name that is almost always pronounced and spelled easily and correctly. Not that anyone’s giving me the option to do otherwise…
Your viewpoints on marriage and babies are really great and adult. People should be able to make their own life decisions free of pressure from their peers, family, or traditions.
But…. I find it funny you don’t think you’re going to have kids, but you’ve already got the full name of your daughter or son picked out
I know what you mean; my pregnant sister-in-law likes to tell me a lot more details than I am comfortable hearing. It was especially bad when they were trying to get pregnant. I was all, “Dude, that’s my BROTHER you’re talking about. Ew.”
I like that your hypothetical kids’ names are both classic and each have multiple nickname options. Good choices!
Pregnancy scares me too. I am dreading the “when are you going to have kids” comments that will surely be coming in about two months. Luckily my (almost) husband is starting law school in August so we have a three year no baby excuse built into our life plan
Oh, and I read your 100 things today and promptly went to the store and bought stuff for root beer floats. Yum!
Janet’s been trying to pressure me into joining the Mission: Put Together pool, so maybe I’ll have to cave…
Can I just say, that reading some of your posts about marriage spooks me sometimes because I feel like I could have written them myself!
I’m with you on the whole adoption thing too. I would love to adopt a child with special needs someday.
I love the idea of adoption, and your reasons for it. Sounds like a great way to expand your family, when the time comes.
On our trip to the midwest this weekend, AS and I hung out with friends who have been married for almost a year. They just built a big, four-bedroom suburban house and they are ready to start filling it NOW. It’s eerie to me, especially as I am preparing to go back to student lifestyle!
I can’t wait for the M:PT wrap up.
You know what’s so crappy about adoption? They make it so hard for good people to bring babies into their homes. It’s just too bad the system isn’t better. That being said, I think adoption is a very noble thing to do.
And I love your baby names. (And now I’m super curious what your real name is. I didn’t realize “Ra” was a nickname. I thought it was like “R.A.” and that’s how I always said it in my head.)
Is it “ra” or “R.A.”? I thought it was “R.A.” Hm.
Obviously, I love your choice of a girl’s name.
Nevermind, I just read your about section. Am slow.
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