Unqualified

I have committed to write an “alumni retrospective” for the UD English department newsletter. Apparently, my professor didn’t realize that she had asked little, twenty-something me. I am panicking. What the heck can I say about being an alumnus?*

In my mind, a self-respecting representative of the English department will be able to look back on her years in the department with misty-eyed nostalgia. There will be vignettes of studious discussion groups in the hallowed classrooms of Memorial Hall, and maybe a tweed jacket with suede elbow pads. Perhaps there is an insightful word of wisdom about how following the call of literature and rhetoric makes one’s life more peaceful and fulfilled, or something. Most importantly, there is time elapsed. My measly few years out of student life barely qualify me to remember anything! Shouldn’t I have at least gone through my ten-year high-school reunion before I’m allowed to write anything like this?

But, no. My professor contacted me through my boss (also a graduate of the same program), and she was in dire straits for a piece to publish. I edit the department newsletter at work, so I empathized, and now the deadline is looming.

I am afraid that a crusty, old graduate of the department will see my graduation year and pass off my whippersnapper piece as flighty or superficial, just because I have not been loosed upon the real world for very long. I am afraid that the old guy will conclude that I do not actually have something to add to the alumni retrospective viewpoint. I am afraid that this hypothetical geezer will be correct.

- - - - -

*One of my biggest pet peeves** is when a graduate of whatever institution refers to oneself as “an alumni.” No. Singular: alumnus (occasionally, alumna). Plural: alumni.

** See also: criterion/criteria.