Although I am hardly a sports person, my lack of interest in baseball knows no bounds. Yes, America’s pastime has no hold on me. I feel like the game could be exciting if the players just threw, hit, and ran as hard as they could, but it seems like a whole lot of sitting around. I might begin to like baseball if:
- There were fewer innings. Nine? Come on, now. I say that five could do the job.
- The pitcher made a habit of throwing the ball to the batter, instead of first base.
- I received recognition for a success rate comparable to a decent batting average.
- The season was not eight months long.
- Players didn’t feel the need to hurl saliva all over the place.
Admittedly, I may have some unresolved issues because I still remember that feeling of helplessness when I managed to hit that softball in gym class only to have it speed toward first base ahead of me. I have never been to a major-league game* (just a handful of minor-league ones), and I know my first-hand experience level is low. Feel free to wax poetic about strategy, probability, the festive atmosphere of the ballpark, and the nostalgia of playing in Little League, but the fact remains that I do not like watching baseball. I can only just tolerate baseball highlights.
Last night, JG and I had an exchange at the end of the World Series that absolutely typified my indifference toward the sport. He invoked the “sports history clause” to break the Wednesday night TV ban, and we watched the last inning before bed. JG spouted quick commentary as I shuffled through my routine.
[In the top of the ninth with two outs]
JG: Oh, two strikes — that guy is way behind.
(No word from RA, now blind without contacts.)
JG: Strike three! The Phillies did it!
RA: (squints at fuzzy outlines of a Phillies pile-up) Oh. They’re not going to do the last part?
JG: The rest of the ninth? No, they don’t have to because the Phillies were ahead.
RA: Oh. Yeah, that makes sense. I probably could have put that together if I had thought about it.
JG: I didn’t think that was something you would need me to explain.
RA: No, you shouldn’t have to. If I had realized that could have been the end, I might have cared a bit more. Or at least put my glasses on.
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* November 18, 2008: I just remembered that I went to a Pittsburgh Pirates game in college. It obviously had no lasting impression on me.
5 comments
Huh. I had no idea they didn’t play the last half of the inning if the other team was ahead. And I played softball!
I always wanted there to be more tackling in baseball. The games would be so much more exciting if the outfielders had to dodge other players hurtling towards them!
Hi RA, I emailed you a few days ago about MPT…..I agree that baseball should be a shorter game…and the SPITTING is horrible! I started calling out when one of the players would spit on camera, and my husband started realizing how often it is!! Gross!
Hi RA, I have been an admiring, anonymous lurker for a while, and just wanted to say hi! I love your writing, and after I read this post, decided that I had to comment, since my husband and I (who live outside of Philly) had this conversation nearly verbatim during the game on Wednesday night. Except that I don’t wear contacts, and therefore had no excuse for my lack of sports knowledge! Happy weekend!
Oh RA.
I am such a baseball fan… but you know this already.
It breaks my heart to hear this.
However I do not like the Phillies… so BOOO to them.
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